I Took A Break & Now I Feel Better.

Words: 15673

Since the last time I blogged I realised I was in a bit of a writing funk. I have gotten to the stage where absolutely EVERYTHING distracts me, even though I’m doing nothing. My parents came for the weekend though and that was wicked. I wrote off last week, figuratively of course because I wrote nothing, and got back to it today. And wrote three thousand words in a couple of hours. My aim before I go to sleep is 5.5k and then if I do that tomorrow I’m back on target and THAT means that when my guests arrive on Saturday next weekend I should hopefully be back on target and can risk missing another weekend. I don’t think I’m going to be finished as soon as I’d hoped though. Sometimes novels just work that way.

I do feel much better about it though. I definitely let the fact that other writers are so good and are doing really well, producing really great things etc really get to me last week. Sometimes I feel like when that happens I do need to take a step back and forget about it. This is MY work and it’s only ME that can write it. Unless one of your favourite author writes a book almost exactly the same but more quaint, less sad and with lots of baking in it (it’s even set in Plymouth too!?) – It’s not quite exactly the same as the script that I wrote two years ago (‘The Company of One’ for those who know of it), but the basic “overcoming the creatures that represent mental health issues” part is the main part of both. I think that plus my anxiety that I explained in my last post just really got me down. I just have to brush it all off and let it go, which is easier (so. much. easier) said than done.

But I have reached that stage of writing, and that time of year, where there are muffin crumbs on my hot water bottle because I won’t get up from my desk to get a plate lest I lose my streak and get distracted again. And really, now that I’ve accepted that the story is actually starting to take on a life of its own properly, it’s much easier to keep going once I’ve got started. I am looking, as I type this blog post, at the plot structure I made just a few weeks ago and I realise that I haven’t stuck to it at all since chapter three. I am now on chapter ten. The scenes I have written are/will be in there but they are different to how I expected to write them. And obviously, they are not in the same order. It’s quite bizarre how different the two actually are. Much more so than plot structures and the scripts they become. Although with scripts I find the plot changes are usually made in the editing stages. It’s easier to do on final draft too because you can highlight scenes and drag them where ever you want them to go. I think after I finish this I might revisit “our Perennials” and give that a proper edit, get that up to the standard it deserves. That poor script, it deserved much better than what was provided for it… But that’s another conversation.

I think at this stage I’ve accepted that giving it up is stupid. Honestly even if it gets rejected by everyone who reads it, I know that giving up now means that I’m just quitting because it’s too hard. And that would be easy to do. Work is stressful, the house needs doing up, I’m not really doing anything outside of writing and work most of the time. This weekend proved that to me, there’s so many cool places around us that we just haven’t explored because every day off I’ve had I’ve spent locked away in my office trying to catch up with words. I know that one day I’ll be able to give up my day job and have more time to do that stuff, but right now it feels really strange, writing and writing and not getting there as fast as I want to, and not feeling like I’m doing anything else either. But not wanting to. I want to do this. I want to be able to finally. stop. serving. coffee.

And on that note, I have finished my tea, and I have words to write.

Don’t tread on the flowers.
F x

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Wednesdays Suck. Sort Of.

Word Count: 13,374.

It’s currently 1am, and I woke up after one 90 minute sleep cycle feeling ridiculously anxiety ridden for no reason. Now, my anxiety normally has very little reason to do its’ very annoying and unwelcome thing, but normally it’s triggered by something. This time it’s not. There is nothing that I need to feel anxious about. Nothing logical that seems to have triggered it. Nothing at all. But it woke me up fully and even though I have to leave for work at seven in the morning I feel like I have to work through it in order to get back to sleep. So here is the negative side of my novel writing experience for you. Feel free to stop reading and go back to your own lovely day. I’m about to do a miserable vent. You have been warned.

First of all. My word count is not as far ahead as I wanted it to be. I wrote a little on Saturday, nothing Sunday or Monday (well get to this in a minute), barely anything on Tuesday and Wednesday I played catch up. I am frustrated with myself because until Monday I had no excuse other than not wanting to do too much and risk burning out. And Tuesday was frustrating because I had an impromptu day off work, but because I did a double shift (unplanned) on Monday, the whole day was spent in a weird sleepy state where every time I sat down to write, I would start drifting off to sleep. I struggle to write on work days (when I have a full shift). But I physically can’t not, otherwise I will never get this done. And then what’s the point in working this job at all?

Lot’s of things happened at work on Monday, none of which directly concerns me and I’m not about to share it here, but what it does mean is that the people who are left have to pick up the pieces and work twice as hard. My shifts have been rearranged and messed up, and honestly I’m a little worried I won’t wake up in time tomorrow, which is part of the reason I’m struggling to get back to sleep. Instead of the half shift I was scheduled for (which would make for a beautifully productive writing afternoon – it always does) I have been asked to come in for a full work day, and again on Friday which was supposed to be my day off again. Equally my parents are here this weekend so my word target for this week is highly unlikely to be met. By a long shot. I am not the most pleased about this (the messed up shift pattern. I’m very excited to see my parents). Which could be adding to my late night anxiety.

I do feel a lot of frustration about losing my enthusiasm from the end of last week. It could again be because I’ve woken up in the middle of the night feeling woe-betide and skittish (for no reason, brain, there is no reason for this!!) but I was looking online this morning and apparently it’s a thing. The 10k word slump. I kind-of expected it too, but not this much. Apparently this is the part where a lot of writers give up, they lose momentum and that first bit of excited flurry of words that seem to work so perfectly. They get to the big inciting incident, the aftermath of that and then suddenly the characters are in the midst of a story with no way of getting to where they need to be without the author worrying themselves into self-doubt, and thus they are disengaged from the story that literally days ago thought would be the life raft of their fledgling career. Literally me. Right now. My self-doubt as an author has been eating me up for two days and it’s been difficult to push that to one side and just get this shit written. Once I’m writing I’m fine. Dan’s been amazing at making me just get on with it in spite of these stupid thoughts.

It all started yesterday, with instagram. Actually this is a lie, this started months ago when I was writing my script and we had to do a presentation in front of the cohort (which I was fuming about anyway because it meant missing one of my best friends graduations). One of the women who was also script writing read out a piece of her writing and it was just, utterly incredible. She’s just fantastic, and if she’s reading this then just know you’re awesome and I honestly can’t wait to see your stuff on bookshelves in book shops, or your name on movie posters at the cinema because honestly pal, you’re going far and that’s amazing. But holy crap did it knock my confidence in my own work. And I keep like, bringing up the excerpt she read out in my mind and then reading my own work and being like “I’m not writing for my audience” or “but my characters don’t make sense as kids” or “why is the villains back story so cheesy” or the worst one – “why did I ever think I was any good at this?” But I saw that she was working on a new project on instagram and though I am really pleased for her and excited about it, it dragged up all these silly self-doubt thoughts that I fought so hard to push away when I was script writing.

I don’t think it helped that I kind of gave up on making the best of those scripts for hand in. I’m still chuffed to bits with the grade but when I got really ill I just wanted to do enough to pass. I normally wouldn’t have handed that in at all. The third year undergrad version of me would have been screaming in horror at the thought of it. The third year version of me didn’t spend three weeks suffering with a virus right before deadline. I don’t have any reason externally to keep going with this novel. It’s not for uni, I don’t have a literary agent yet, just me and Dan.

But to be honest, the reason I’m getting so pissed off with myself for not writing as much this week is because I still desperately want to get it done, to finish something off my own back, in the face of adversity and having to work minimum 30 hours a week at an exhausting job. This is a low, everyone goes through it. Dan keeps pushing me to just ignore the stupid self-doubt thoughts and keep working on it. Eventually it will get easier to shut up my anxiety about it and I will get that high of writing again. It’s like a relationship, I choose to work hard on it, I choose not to give up on it just because things get a bit difficult, I choose because I still care very much, and I still love this story. It’s veering off course and really that’s making it all the more enjoyable. I’m not doing it for money (a mild lie, woman’s gotta eat), or fame (NOT a lie) but I’m doing it because I am a storyteller, and quite frankly I don’t know what else to do with my life that will bring me as much happiness and satisfaction. Being a barista is great ~for now~ but in five years time I will be bitterly disappointed if I’m still doing it, even if I progress. My heart wouldn’t be in it because it would be too busy longing for the one that got away: writing.

It’s half past one and I’m getting weird now. I’m getting sleepy. I feel like blogging has worked its magic and has helped me work through what was worrying me. And I’ve done three thousand and three hundred words roughly since last we spoke, so I must be doing something right.

Here’s to not giving up, and to waking up on time tomorrow (read: in five hours). Bon nuit mes amies.

Don’t tread on the flowers.

F x

Happy Saturday.

Word Count: 10,060

Can we just take a second to see the figure above? I have somehow, somehow, managed to double my word count in two days. Not even two days, because that was reached last night, but I just obsessively wrote during a thirty hour period. I think it helped that when I turned up to work my manager told me he changed the rota and hadn’t told me. So two people turned up for the same shift but I get sent home after three hours because it was dead and because I helped out earlier in the week he wasn’t going to ask me to stay. I feel like my worry on Tuesday was rewarded, it was quiet and my other colleague stayed so I had no reason to feel bad. And I only lost an hours wage but I’ve still earned more than intended anyway. I don’t know next weeks rota yet but I’m hoping to get Wednesday before 6pm off because there’s a writing group who are meeting up in town and I’d like to be able to go. I really want to start meeting new people and making friends outside of work her, and writers are especially useful friends because they just ~get~ it. And will proof read each others work in exchange for coffee and cake. I like cake.

But now I am much further ahead than I thought I would ever get without someone else looming over me with deadlines and tutorials. Actually this is a lie. I do have someone doing that to me still and that person is Dan. Since deciding to write a novel he has been there through every stage of planning, every word count goal achievement, every hissy fit to pep talk, dig knots out of my shoulder and make me take breaks. There is absolutely no way I could have done so much without his support (and doing all the house work and cooking and not letting me do anything except my job and writing). And I’ve tried to write novels before (in my adult life. As a teen I wrote loads because instead of Dan I had my mum, and instead of work I had school, where I mostly wrote novels instead of school work) and I just couldn’t do it, because ~other things~ got in the way. So here is a public thank you to Dan, the best writing buddy on the planet, and the best partner in crime that I didn’t know I very much needed. I don’t thank you enough.

Gushy girlfriend moment over. It’s still early and I haven’t even had a cuppa yet.

I was going to take today off from writing because I’m doing seven hours of a shift that starts at twelve, and I’ve never been productive in the mornings before we moved to Wales. But now that I’m up and have three and a half hours before I need to leave, I almost want to challenge myself and see how much I can get done. I think it all comes down to who is hosting Saturday Morning Kitchen. And tonight I am doing nothing except watching strictly and going to bed. I might even watch strictly in bed, because I am that much of a party animal. I feel like writing is like exercise in the sense that the more you do it the more you want to do it. It’s not like exercise in the sense that if I push myself too hard I stop doing it for six months and then wonder what went wrong. But I’m excited to get going again already. And Saturday Morning Kitchen doesn’t start for two hours.

Sorry for the smug af post. Just a good Saturday morning so far.

Don’t tread on the flowers.

F x

Succulent Pirates & 5000 Words.

Word Count: 5094

Yesterday, as predicted, was absolutely rammed at work. We ended up running late because we needed to set up for todays’ Christmas products launch and the staff meeting. This morning I had to catch up with life stuff and I got writing after lunch. So I haven’t been writing for as long as I’d liked to, but having said that I’ve reached 5000 words!!! I am 10% of the way through my novel. Now that all the grown up stuff has been done, I’m trying to write as much as I can for the next two days (I only have a four hour shift tomorrow) and I’m hoping to double this, so hopefully before tomorrow night I’ll have 10k words. A huuuuge feat BUT that will put me at amazing advantage for the rest of writing it. I’ll be in full swing and the momentum will keep up hopefully. With Christmas coming at work, parents visiting, a trip back to Falmouth and a university postgrad open day, I’m going to be pushed for time. I’d rather get as much done as possible now so that when life gets in the way I’m that much closer to being finished. I’m really pushing myself now, it took a lot of dedication to break myself out of my writing funk that I talked about yesterday.

Also I found out yesterday that on the run up to Christmas I can wear Christmas clothes to work, which is exciting. Do you think I could go in as a dinosaur and tell everyone I’m the Christmassaurus? I don’t think anyone there will get the reference – none of them have children/are Fletcher Family Super Fans (unlike me. There is no denying it anymore).

In other news, I bought a succulent last week for my new desk, and I noticed today that someone has cut off one of the leaves – you can tell it’s cut because the stumpy bit is still there so it didn’t just fall off. I’m presuming the person who did this didn’t do it accidentally and in fact did it to stick it in some soil and grow their own succulent for free, but only because I like the idea that someone pirate copied my plant (I think I read a similar story in a tumblr post).

Anyway, my precious time is slipping away from me and I have a helluver lot of words to get down on paper. I’m handwriting too (I don’t know if I mentioned that previously) so it takes me a bit longer than typing – the quality of my first draft is just so much better that way. Also I can take it anywhere and just whip out my notebook as and when. No battery power to worry about if inspiration should strike. That comes later when I’m typing and redrafting. Then I run out of battery on the way to a place and forget my charger and have a little rant at myself for being disorganised and having to go home with a take out coffee and wasted time.

Don’t tread on the flowers.

F x

It’s Only Wednesday.

Words: 4543

Since my last blog post I have written about 1500. Which is not enough and I’m mad at myself for it. It’s been one of those weeks where everything just knackers you out. Like yesterday, for example, I was supposed to work for four hours, but the person taking over my shift was sick and no one replied to the manager when he asked for someone to come in so I stayed until five. Which should have still left me time to write when I got home. But it was match day, and Hallowe’en on half term, and we were so busy. I got home, sat on the sofa ready to write and fell asleep almost instantly.

The last time I had a decent stint writing was probably Saturday night after I watched strictly. Although having said that I wrote a fair few pages last night after my nap and the Bake Off final. I’m just getting annoyed with myself for not writing now and I start to feel guilty when I’m not doing it. I think yesterday really hit me on an emotional level, because my manager wanted to send me home at three and I couldn’t just leave. But it felt like the first big struggle between job and writing, and writing lost. I know that if my manager was not a nice person I would have gone home and not given it a second thought, but he’s lovely and has given me the weekend off when my parents visit just because. If I’d have gone home anyway yesterday I’d have moped around and got nothing done anyway. I think I’ll just have to keep going and make sure that yesterday was just a one off.

I’ve started taking my notebook into work and for the most part it’s working. My breaks are only twenty minutes though and I have to fit food into that so I only get to write one or two pages, but it’s better than nothing. Mornings are working out quite well too. I’m organised at long last, in the mornings. Everything is ready the night before including showering so all I have to do when I get up is put on my uniform and make up and go. so if I wake up at half past six, half hour waking up and getting ready (breakfast and a cuppa in there as well), then until half eight I have time to do whatever I want. Today I start at ten so I have had an extra hour. But today is a longer day than usual because we have deep clean and a team meeting after I finish so I won’t be home until late. I’m going to write as much as I can for an hour now and then leave it there for the day. Tomorrow is my day off so I have already decided to lock myself away in my office and do nothing else.

Speaking of my office, I finally bought a new desk for it. I was using this weird half desk thing that was in the wall recess but it wasn’t deep enough, so we went to Ikea on Monday and bought one. Just a cheap top and two legs but it looks much more valuable than the £16 it cost. I am however going to buy a new chair because right now I am using one of the dining room chairs and it’s not comfortable at all. I might see if I can steal Dans chair tomorrow just for a few hours if I can. I’m really excited about getting the office done. It will take time, because the house isn’t being rewired until after Christmas and after that it will be replastered so until then it’s just getting the stuff ready for it. I am hoping to get a sofa bed thing for when we have visitors but I’m struggling to find one I like, that I think looks like it’s meant to be a sofa that goes with the room, rather than just being shoved in there because it’s got nowhere else to go. I think I could make it really nice in there given enough time. I’m definitely the kind of person who needs a good working environment in order to get anything done.

Anyway enough rambling on, I have shit to do.

Don’t tread on the flowers.

F x

The First Chapter: Part Two

Words: 2989

Last night was slow going, I didn’t write nearly as much as I wanted to, so tonight I have been making the effort to catch up. I have stopped currently for some tea (homemade tomato soup made by Dan) but will be getting back to it once we’ve eaten. I’m back at work again tomorrow and I can’t remember when my next half or full day off will be (I do have it written down). So basically I need to get crackin’ or I’m going to lose motivation. I have however, finished chapter one and am halfway through chapter two already – whether thats because I need more content or not I am not sure, I’m just going to see how it plays out and hope for the best.

I’ve decided to take my notebook to work so I can write on my break, like I was going to the other day until my car tyre had a melt down (I still haven’t forgiven it), but I don’t have to buy food and really I don’t need to leave the coffee shop in order to have my break, I’ve never done it before so why would I start now? As long as I cover my uniform I’m good to sit and eat my lunch and have a great twenty minutes that I can use to it’s full potential. Or I could print off some research surrounding the novel and go through it when I have time limit, to save me going down the rabbit hole, like I did yesterday morning with project #2. I’m trying to get into the habit of waking up earlier but so far it’s not working that well. I think mostly because I got to bed too late. But an extra hour in the morning would be absolutely perfect for getting stuff done – and more importantly I would be fully awake and functioning in time to drive to work. I am now, but it usually involves a lot of coffee and by the time I get to work I’m crashing again and it all goes in a big cycle. Just want to be a functioning human really. That’s all I aim for.

I ~need~ to get back on the time management stuff, I failed miserably at that on the masters but on my undergrad I had it down to a fine art. The masters was a blip though, and I’m out the habit – but I’ve made a full schedule and stuck it on the fridge with some cool magnets I forgot I had from Wilko’s, so I can see when I’m working, when I have scheduled in time with Dan (and friends when I make some) and then I can put in my scheduled dedicated writing times, even if it’s just an hour a day that would do.

But today has been very productive and so far, no nagging thoughts have arisen about whether or not the story or its’ writer is good enough yet. That was probably helped by a pep talk from Dan this morning, totally unrelated to writing but he said I was avoiding thinking about the novel because I’m avoiding those silly thoughts, but that I know how to get rid of them, and have done it before over and over again, so I need to start obsessing over the novel instead of the other stupid thing I was moaning about. He was right, the other thing is insignificant and everything else should pale in comparison to this huge feat I have undertaken. I’m excited by it and I’m trying to write every day, it should be enough to make me think about the good things that I’m doing instead of the bad things that haven’t happened and probably won’t happen. I’m smarter than this, I just need to get over myself.

But writing this blog is helping too. I don’t know if anyone reads it regularly, or how many people read it at all, but as much as I would love and honour the support from anyone, this is a thing that I do to record my process and knowing other could read it means I really think about what I write and what I would want to read by another writer. I was thinking of maybe doing a few reviews of books that are similar to my work, but instead of my opinions on whether they were good or not (I don’t want to tread on anyones toes and my friend Lia has a fab youtube book review vlog, see link below if you haven’t checked it out already), I would write about what I learned from reading them about my own work and writing styles. I feel like I could take longer on these posts than on the normal ones I write but it might make things a bit more interesting and useful for self reflection – like I would have done at uni but off my own back and about whatever I wanted instead of having to be concise and choosey. It would be more fun and motivate me into reading whilst I write, which is something I really struggle to do. Keep ya eyes peeled friends.

And with that my dinner is ready,
Bon Nuit Mes Amis

Don’t tread on the flowers.
F x

Don’t forget to check out my pals vlog at Blossoms Book Corner:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV8lQ3gQhMzjAgK7S-A_rLg

 

 

The First Chapter: Part One.

Currently Writing: Chapter One.
Words: 1575.

Over the last few days I have been actually writing. It feels so good to be able to type that. I was hoping to have written a lot more yesterday but I had a nightmare day, and spent my lunch break trying to get my tyre fixed and wolf down dinner before I got back to work (I’d run over a screw whilst stuck in ridiculously awful traffic en route to work. Such is life). By the time I got home I was so tired I barely kept my eyes open to watch Bake Off, then went to bed shortly after.

Today is another day and I have been a very busy bee (sort of) researching lots of lovely things for something else, which I will talk about in future posts when I know more and have more to tell you. But now I have put that to one side and am ready to get writing again. Dan is just reading what I’ve written thus far and I am about to make a coffee, just a simple black one because honestly I make enough with milk at work and actually they aren’t as good (in my opinion of course).

The first few pages seem quite wooden, as I read them back. I also kind of felt that when I was writing them, it wasn’t the same voice in my head reading the words to me as it usually is (not like, in a medical way just like, as you read stuff you hear it in your head). But Dan, having now finished reading the pages has just informed me it all reads the same. Maybe it’s just me and I’m just being picky. I feel like writing a novel is such a different experience than writing a script. Mostly because in the first draft there is so much room for error. In a script it’s either bad or good and I can just tell where I went wrong and how to fix it. But maybe that’s also because I’ve studied screenwriting intensely for three years and had numerous incredible tutors who have helped me in lots of different ways – this is like passing my driving test and flying solo for the first time. The only people I know who can help me are people in the same boat as me, some are obviously much better, but none are like, lecturer level/aren’t real grown ups yet with grown up successes.

Part of me wonders if things will ever change for me, and if it doesn’t then that’s cool because I can progress at work and slowly get used to writing around my job. But it would really suck if I didn’t get my work out there – not for money or fame or whatever but I just love writing so much. I just want to be able to do it all the time and have people want to read it because they like it.

It’s early days and I’m still feeling positive for the most part. Although that might change the more I research similar stuff (gotta know my audience). Be prepared for the “honeymoon” phase to end and the “crippling self doubt” to begin. I just hope I stay on track because this time I don’t have a tutor to make sure I keep going, or a consequence if I stop, other than it being a shame because I love this story. And also this is a novel and it’s much slower going than any script I’ve written. I’m not really sure where this rant went, it started so positive and now it’s just a mess. Sorry guys!

I need to get back to work. Slippers are on and the coffee is ready.

Happy Wednesday.
Don’t tread on the flowers.
F x.

The First Draft Begins.

I finished planning last night. Good and proper, all the note cards arranged and blu-tacked to the walls (yes, plural) of my office ready to go. I missed this weekends Strictly to do it but with lots of shifts coming in at the coffee shop I need to prioritise my time. Although if anybody tells me who left I will cease speaking to them.

So I am sitting rather uncomfortably in Dan’s office, in his granddad chair ready to go. 100% battery on my laptop, cuppa steaming hot, slippers on, sleeves rolled up, glasses cleaned, spotify on, New Word Document ready and waiting.

My dudes, in mere minutes I will be writing the very first page of my novel. And you are here to witness it. It’s an honour to share this moment with you all. It’s already been so emotional, just a wonderful journey, such high’s, such lows. But this is it.

I’m going to keep a word count update on this blog so for any of you who may be interested you can follow along with my progress.

Actually I’ve noticed a lot of my friends have recently picked up a writing project too, and I think it’s going to be an awful lot of fun working in tandem, while we all write different stories in different formats and mediums, from childrens’ novels to dark AI sci-fi screenplays to comedic female-focused theatre scripts (you know who you are friends!)

So anyway I need to crack on, so wish me luck.

Don’t tread on the flowers

F x

writing aesthetic

Picture found on Pinterest (https://www.pinterest.co.uk/pin/295337688050917784/) and not made by me, even though I wish it was.

Late Night Worries.

As the planning stage of my novel draws to a close (albeit slowly because I’ve started work this week – more on this later) a few things have struck me as I was falling asleep. I don’t know if anyone actually reads this, but if you are reading – especially this post, then feel free to leave a comment with your thoughts on any of the following issues I’ve got swimming round my head (along with literally the entire Physics GCSE module on coffee. Like, honestly, my brain is fried!). Also I apologise if this is a bit of a ramble, I wanted to talk to someone, literally anyone, who has had similar issues to me and I’m the only awake being around, both physically and social media-ry.

1) I’m writing a story about sisters, as an only childI feel like maybe if I had a brother I could wing it a bit better, but my siblings growing up had four legs and a tail, and slept on the floor (the dog actually slept on my bed – sorry Mum!). There was no falling out, no sense of losing my best friend as we got older but still having to live with them. I don’t even think I had friends that I was like that with, we’d fall out for a few days and make up a few days later when we had had space.
My characters are ten and thirteen, the youngest of which is the protagonist. Part of me is like “Sisters are people dude you know how to be a people” (I don’t it’s all fake I’m a fraud), but then another part of me remembers being a kid and not understanding that when siblings fell out it wasn’t like when friends fell out, and I’ll never be on that level of bonding with someone my own age. I don’t feel like I missed out on anything and I wouldn’t change my upbringing for the world, but I really want this story to reflect that growing up as a girl is both exciting and godawful, that one can take it in their stride and also adamantly refuse to acknowledge it’s happening. Both my characters reflect me at their ages (obviously, I was once aged ten and thirteen, cooooiiiiiincidence!) but I want their interactions to be authentic. Not just so the readers will think of their own siblings, if they have them, but also just to make the characters stronger, better written, more real.
I know I can research, I recall Disney doing a session with all the women on their team with sisters, which I saw on a channel four documentary a few years ago. But they had women on the team who had sisters, which ultimately changed the plot, famously so. It was a song about sisters growing apart. Somebody help me reach that level. I’m not pissing around I want this to be good, and potentially sellable.

Which leads me to point number two…

2) Keeping my authory shit together whilst working a full time job. This is the first time I’ve had consistent full time hours (as opposed to fluctuating because of tourist season), and I want to make sure I can do both. Do not misunderstand me, as a rather rude person did not long ago (“Oh Froshie is a writer too!” “oh… really?”) I love my new job, and I loved my previous job, along with the many other jobs I’ve had since I was a little kid who mistook whitebait for white bread… that’s another story. No. It’s not that I’m worried some “menial job” will get in the way, it’s that I want to make sure I can juggle it all together, because it’s not menial to me, it’s equally as important. I did fine through uni, but as we all know, the masters really knocked me for six with work load, and my part time job, and social life, and boyfriend – I’m still amazed at how I didn’t fail, honestly wtf. I just want to find a balance that won’t make me miserable. Or over tired (she says, blogging at 2am), or worse, trigger anxiety because that would mean putting a stop to something, and we all know I can’t quit my job, because food, nor would I want to have to choose between any of it. Keeping everything afloat is going to be difficult, and it will take time getting used to it. I might have to go back to using a proper calendar book and schedule literally everything in, from writing hours to shifts to date night to strictly come dancing. Organisation is keyyyy… I should also probably get my sleep schedule sorted (it’s not 2-15am). I feel like if I want it badly enough, I will make it work, it’s just the concern which is making things difficult.

I thought there would be more issues in the final version of this, it’s taken me an hour to write it out and I vented a lot, but I edited more so there is much less for you to read than I actually got off my mind. My brain is totally tapped out anyway because it has been a long day with lots of numbers to try to remember.

I think the sisters issue is my biggest worry. But unless my parents magically adopt a kid in history and I woke up tomorrow with a sister, I feel like I need to buckle down, get writing and just send it to people with siblings who can give me honest and helpful feedback.

I do actually need to go to sleep now though, and I feel like this has helped me an awful lot.
Don’t tread on the flowers.
F x

PS. The photo’s are of hot chocolates I made at home. Mostly for aesthetic insta pics…

IMG_3659

Overnight Change.

So yesterday I was feeling full of self doubt and misery and stress – needlessly I might add – about whether I’m ready to write the first draft or whether to keep planning etc. But I realised this morning that I’m actually really excited to just get on and do it.

So once I woke up and did the things I never have time to do at 6:30am because I’m normally asleep, I made a check list of things I actually need to do before I start, and then I can just start. Normally I’m really organised and do things that way with the scripts I’ve written but I don’t know really, since the masters degree ended it’s as if I forgot how to do it properly. Like, not the actual work, but the beloved bullet journal is still in a box, where it’s been since before we moved, no checklists were made, I don’t even have a proper desk, I’ve been using this weird desky-shelfy thing and the dining room table (which is old and wonky and came with the house). I feel like in order to stop those nagging thoughts I need to be organised af. Fingers crossed I can get my head in the game in that sense and then I won’t have any distractions when it comes to the actual work.

Just have to stop rabbiting and get on with it!

Don’t tread on the flowers!

F x